We are mid into the 2020s with the Kardashians having multiple marriages and yet, your one elopement is under scrutiny? Not here, friend. We are here to help with our scripts to tell friends and family that you’re eloping. But first, we wrote a blog How to Tell Your Family You’re Eloping and we stand by our 6 tips of:

1. Tell them to their beautiful, possibly disappointed, face
2. Share your reasons why
3. Understand their perspective
4. Get them involved
5. Remember the day is about YOU (not them)
6. Document everything. Not like a lawyer. Like an adventurer.

If you haven’t read it yet, check it out here. It’s a great starting point to get you thinking before you move into the actual conversation with them. Next, I welcome introduce you to Honeybee scripts to tell friends and family that you’re eloping. Sometimes, we know what we want to say and then in the moment our brains become mush. The goal of these scripts is to give you tools you can practice with your significant other and be ready for the conversation.

If You Are Doing Something After Your Elopement That They Can Be Included In – Scripts to tell Friends and Family that You’re Eloping

How do you announce eloping etiquette? Let them bring it up. And they will.

Them: Have you started wedding planning? I can’t wait for the big day!

You: Yes, we have. We’ve decided to elope overseas and then hold a reception* for everyone when we get back. 

Them: Oh okay, well that sounds like fun. (disappointed but accepting)

You: Yes! We are SO excited, I can’t wait to start elopement planning and working on the details of the reception too.

OR

Them: Good for you, we will rage at that reception!

You: Hell yeah, friend! I have been practicing Boots Don’t Work just for that!

OR

Them: Wow, I have been dreaming about your wedding since you were a child. I can’t believe you don’t want me there.

You: I am sorry for hurting your feelings, me and Amazing Wonderful Fiancé made this decision together, but I am so excited for this reception! I promise you’ll enjoy it and I really appreciate your support. 

*You can change out the word reception for anything else you are planning to do. If you aren’t planning a reception, are you planning a photo slideshow with a small group? Or, sending out elopement announcement cards. No matter how big or small, it softens the blow for that they are not invited to X but they can be a part of Y. Bonus points if you show up to the reception in your wedding dress, your guests will love it. And you get another opportunity to wear it!

Keep this conversation very matter of fact, almost like an update not an invitation for discussion. 

Honeybee Couple Real Reactions

“I think because we approached it with a ‘hey the ceremony will be private but we still will have a celebration’ for the most part everyone was happy for us and thinks that what we’re doing is much more memorable & adventurous.”

“I definitely didn’t expect it to work how it did. While I am happy it went that way, I thought there’d be more anger involved, I thought I’d have a lot more explaining. It ended up being just conveying information, as casual as any other day to day conversation.”

Scripts to tell Friends and Family that You’re Eloping: When They Are Upset About Losing “Their” Moment in Your Wedding

A wedding, while about you and your one true love and literally no one else, can sometimes be turned into a wedding about someone else. Ick. This may include a mother who has been waiting for a mother – son dance, or a dad that wants to walk his daughter down the aisle. Or a florist BFF who already has a Pinterest board for your big day. 

These conversations may be the hardest as you may feel like you are taking something away from them. Read again: a wedding is  about you and your one true love and literally no one else. Other people’s expectations are not your responsibility. You are your own responsibility.

You: I wanted to talk to you about my wedding, we have a lot of exciting ideas that I want to share with you (you are involving them, not isolating them).

Them: Oh great! I have a few ideas of my own.

You: First, it may come as a surprise (or it may not, put in what is most true of you and your relationships), that Amazing Wonderful Fiancé and I have chosen to elope. We would like you to be involved by XYZ. 

Examples: Helping me look at locations, going with me to find my outfit, writing a card for us to read on our wedding day. Once again, involvement over isolation.

How to Elope with Friends and Family – creative ideas!

What to do if they start to get upset

Them: I really don’t know what to say.

You: I understand. I expect you may need some time to process. Once you’re ready, it would mean a lot to me if you can think of how you’d like to help and we can work together.

Now that will hopefully be where it ends. If the reaction continues…

Them: How could you do this to me?

You: I understand this may be disappointing to hear, Amazing Wonderful Fiancé and I have made this decision together (very important to be a united front!) and because we WHY YOU WANT TO ELOPE, we will be eloping. This is a decision we made for ourselves.

You might have this same conversation several times, even with the same person! They may never fully understand, but you have a responsibility to do what feels true to you and your partner.

Honeybee Couple Real Reactions for using scripts to tell friends and family that you’re eloping

“Amazing Wonderful Fiancé and I had a lot of conversations about our wedding before being engaged and it didn’t take long for us to realize that we didn’t care for other people’s expectations of how the event should go to best suit them. It took a few conversations with my dad to get the point across that we just wanted the day for ourselves, even if money weren’t a factor. I can’t confidently say he ever fully understood it though.”

When You Are Using Finances as the Reason – Scripts to tell Friends and Family that You’re Eloping

Having conversations pretty quickly after you are engaged will set their expectations upfront. It helps to avoid friends and family getting their hopes up for a big celebration. 

Them: WOOHOO wedding planning time!

You: Yes! We are so excited to get married. The cost of a big wedding doesn’t make sense for us, so we will be having an intimate ceremony just us! I can’t wait to tell you all about it!

Them: Oh, well your cousin Kenny G would make a great DJ! And you know my friend Carol’s daughter just started working at a bridal shop, I am sure she would get you a discount!

You: Wow! I have not talked to Kenny since I was 12 and he posted that terrible photo online of me with a mustache. That is great to hear. Ultimately though, me and Amazing Wonderful Fiancé talked about it, and we would really rather spend the money on an adventure elopement. Have a once in a lifetime experience together!

Them: Well you could still have a honeymoon after.

You: I understand that this may be disappointing for you to hear.

The Pause

PAUSE!! Very important for them to be the next one to talk.

Them: Long, incredibly awkward pause

Them: Yes, I wanted to be there but I understand you are doing what’s best for you.

OR

Them: Yes, your generation is always running away from everything.

You: When you are ready to talk about this, I’d love to share more with you about what I am planning. I am very excited.

By reiterating your excitement, it should give them pause about continuing to jab at you. With conversations like this, once you get that push back a couple times, give them space to process. Leave the conversation before either party accidentally says something hurtful. If you are looking for more tips on how The Art of the Difficult Conversation that blog is very imformative.

Honeybee Couple Real Reactions

“I shared with my mom that although she wouldn’t be there for our big day, I wanted her to be a big part of it by helping me with wedding dress shopping and picking out my jewelry. These are all things she loves to do.”

“My mom is very close to me and understanding. My dad, however, wasn’t as understanding and is very traditional. He also enjoys weddings because it’s an opportunity to invite ALL his family and friends, whom I am not close to. He was disappointed and still talks about us not having a wedding to this day, unfortunately.”

Tips

Make it clear that it was a decision solely made between Amazing Wonderful Fiancé and yourself and that would make you both the happiest.  Be direct and honest. You may need to set a few boundaries towards family members who would prefer you have a wedding. 

Make sure you have a great photographer and videographer to commemorate your day so you could share with your loved ones back at home!

Scripts to tell Friends and Family that You’re Eloping When You Are Planning a Micro Wedding

Keep it casual with casual friends and family

Them: OMG I am so excited for your wedding! Have you picked out your date yet?

You: Thank you! We are so excited. Yes, it will be in June at Glacier National Park.

Them: Oh, is that a big area?

You: No, it’ll just be us and a few close people. Can’t wait to tell you all about it!

Them: Oh yeah, that sounds like fun!

Honeybee Couple Real Reactions

“Our immediate family were the only people we invited so they were excited. A lot of people said we were smart for eloping instead of spending a ton of money on a big wedding. No one was really surprised because we are very outdoorsy & love to travel.”

Script for people who SHOULD NOT be surprised you are eloping

If you have been together for many years, people will likely have asked if you have plans to get married. When it comes up, if your response has consistently been, “probably at some point, but it will likely be something very small like an elopement” this conversation should go smoothly.

Them: WOW! You are finally tying the knot! I didn’t know if I would see the day. HAHAHA!

You: Haha, yeah we definitely do things that work best for us!

Them: Congratulations! So, what are your wedding plans?

You: Our plans are to do something small and intimate, perhaps just a certificate signing with just the two of us rather than a whole wedding. 

Them: Oh, you’ve talked about that, but I didn’t know you were serious.

You: Of course it’s hard to not have everyone there but it just suits our personalities better. We are excited to be able to do it our own way!

How to tell family and friends you’re eloping?

Honeybee Couple Real Reactions

“The reactions were overwhelmingly positive. Like I already said, we had unofficially told everyone we planned on eventually eloping for years, so they were not surprised and were supportive when we officially made plans to do it. My sister has two young children. She was told that she could come with us if she wanted but was disappointed that she would not be able to attend because of her kids. But I think because she knew that this was important to us and had always been the plan, she still supported us in doing it and never tried to pressure us into having a more traditional wedding.”

Do you tell people you are going to elope? YES! (That’s why we have scripts that you’re eloping)

It may be tempting to NOT tell people until after you elope. We certainly support this for people in your semi outer circle and beyond. In fact, for some there is nothing more fun than a “Surprise! We’re married!” But for the tough conversations you may be avoiding, it is better to let them know ahead of time. The possible hurt they may feel about not being invited will be magnified to feel like you kept a secret from them. We wrote these scripts to tell friends and family that you’re eloping to help you with these conversations. Let us be the first to say, we support your decision!

Honeybee Tips

When you have these conversations with multiple people, it becomes easier! Not because the reactions change, although they may vary, but because YOU are more comfortable each time you have it. Your loved ones will be able to see that you did not make this decision lightly and you are doing what makes YOU happy.

Isn’t that the whole point of a wedding day?

Advice from our Honeybee Couples

“One thing I wish I would have known looking back: you and your partner are going to be the ones who remember your big day the most, so you both deserve to make it happen the way you want it to. People will get over it eventually. And if they don’t, that’s on them and not on you.”

“I was just relieved to have told someone from my family, I didn’t expect to have to defend our decision or anything, but it was just relieving to have told someone, and have their support for the decision.”

How do you announce to family you eloped?

“I want to add how we made people feel included even though they were not at the elopement, because I think this was the final piece that was needed for some people to accept that we had really gone and eloped and would not be having a wedding. We did this through viewing parties!

This was before we received the wedding videos, but we got some wine and snacks and toured people (like my girlfriends and some family members) through our photo gallery from start to finish, narrating the events of the day. People smiled and chatted and ate and drank and I really do feel like it helped them feel as if they got to be part of the wedding even though they were not physically there. I think it’s because it showed that we made a bit of an effort to include them, even if it wasn’t in the traditional wedding invitation sense.”

For Those Who “Would Elope But..”

“I want to empathize with those couples who ‘would elope, but…’ it’s definitely a luxury to be in a position to decide what is going to make us as a couple happiest, to be able to get married on our terms with zero regard for others feelings about it. As silly is that is, so many of us go into our wedding days trying to please other people.

Having eloped and having the experience I did, I truly will never shut up about how superior it is, and I feel like it’s the ultimate hack for our generation- especially if you have a complex family life.”

This is your time to be selfish and feel good doing it!

“I really cannot recommend eloping enough because you don’t have to make anyone else happy, it’s for you and your person and that’s it- after all, that’s what marriage is all about, right? It’s not you, your spouse, and that random aunt on Facebook in the marriage… no! So why are we wasting time and money to make her happy with the festivities? (let’s face it, nothing is going to make her happy anyway!) It’s not selfish to prioritize your enjoyment of the day, because it’s YOUR DAY- it should absolutely be selfishly yours, there will be plenty of days for everyone else, but you don’t really get to go back and be at that same point in life or your relationship. So be selfish, make the choice that makes you and your partner happy, and if that’s eloping then absolutely jump at the chance.”

Let’s Plan Your Big Fat Greek Wedding Adventure Elopement

If you are ready to have the hard conversations and then enjoy the most incredible time of your life, let’s start planning your adventure elopement. If you have any stress about these conversations lingering, I would be happy to help you. Jake and I got married by eloping so I have literally been there with these conversations. I believe in you and the kind of experience you get to have when you choose an adventure elopement.