Vow Renewal Etiquette

I love elopements. At my core, I believe anyone who wants to elope absolutely should follow that calling. Over the years, I have had more and more couples who are looking for an intimate experience to renew their vows. To them I say, welcome to the unparalleled experience of an elopement. Just without the paperwork! A wedding vow renewal ceremony or wedding vow reaffirmation ceremony is a ceremony in which a married couple renews or reaffirms their marriage vows. Most ceremonies take place in churches and are seen as a way for a married couple to renew their commitment to each other and demonstrate that the vows they took are still considered sacred. Let’s get into everything you need to know about vow renewal etiquette.

What do you wear for a vow renewal?

You can wear whatever color for your vow renewal that you’d like! Cream and white are less traditional in the vow renewal space. Also, the dress styles are less modest and more fun. It’s breaking out of the traditional molds and putting your own likes ahead of what you should wear

Renewal dress ideas include a gown but with a deep V, or an open back! Bring some sexy into your recommitment ceremony. Another bride opted for a silky, snake-colored dress with a high slit, which made for fun photos while she stepped through a Glacier National Park lake during her adventure vow renewal. Over in Iceland, a bride wore a white-and-tan dress with Icelandic fur over the top.

What all of these dresses had in common was that they fit the theme of their vow renewal. I encourage all couples to envision what they want first, then choose the dress afterward.

Vow Renewal Etiquette: Guest List, Theme, and Venue

The guest list, theme of your vow renewal, and venue all work together. 

Guest List: You can invite however many people you’d like. For this article, we are going to focus on three groups. Large (about 20 guests), Mid (3-15), and intimate (couple only). Whichever group you choose will impact the experience you have. The rule of thumb is to select the people you are closest to. The ones that have supported you. Showed up for you. Celebrated your relationship as if it were your own. If you think you have to invite someone, that’s your sign to do the opposite. Don’t invite anyone you feel obligated to. Invite the people you want there. The good news about vow renewals? You can brush it off. People expect to be invited to a wedding (right or wrong!). That same expectation doesn’t exist for a vow renewal. 

Theme: You’ll select a theme everyone can be a part of. It’s not semi-casual attire. It’s beach! It is Western! It’s a throwback to the year you were married. We consider anything with 20 or more large for a vow renewal. Whether you are having a large vow renewal or keeping it intimate, having a theme that your guests can be a part of joins them into the fun and the celebration. 

Venue: Choose your wedding venue after you know the guest count. If you have a large vow renewal, you’ll be looking at wedding spaces. If you have a smaller group, a really cool Airbnb could be the direction you go. Also, with smaller vow renewals or couple-only renewals, the option to go international is more of a possibility. 

Etiquette for Large Vow Renewals

We consider large vow renewals to be 20+ guests. The vow renewal etiquette on bigger celebrations is to have more traditional wedding elements. This includes creating invitations, having someone standing before you as an officiant (they don’t need to be licensed, as you’re already married, so this can be a symbolic figure), and planning a great dinner and dancing.

To start off an amazing destination vow renewal in Montana, our couple met me at Chico Hot Springs with their horses for their adventure session. This horse adventure session is a BLAST because Martha & Steven get to spend time together and in their favorite place… on horseback! That’s where they feel the most connected to each other! Once again, you’re leaning into what you want, not what you think is expected. Whether you’re having a large vow renewal or a small one, I highly encourage you to include an adventure component where it is just you and your partner doing something you love together.

Vow Renewal in Montana – A Wild, Meaningful Celebration at Heritage Ranch 

Mid-Sized Vow Renewal

When you choose a mid-sized vow renewal, you can include some of your favorite people and make it more adventure-oriented. We had a couple choose to bring their people to Iceland! The husband loves Norse mythology and Nordic legends, so Iceland is the perfect place to honor 20 years of marriage surrounded by landscapes that look straight out of a saga. The group was also able to check out a few different locations with no fuss, as there were fewer people to coordinate.

If a modest guest list in a couple of places is what you’re looking for, check out the link below for inspiration.

Iceland Vow Renewal – with PRO TRAVEL TIPS! 

Vow Renewal for Two

If it’s just you and your spouse renewing your vows, we’re going to disregard the vow renewal etiquette entirely. There are no invites, dinners, accommodations for guests, etc. For my couple who renewed by themselves, we worked on location matchmaking ahead of time to get an idea of what the couple wanted. After having a traditional wedding, they really wanted to have an adventure, an experience, NOT a photoshoot. We found a great wedding ceremony location at Lake McDonald, and we veered off on one of the secluded pullouts. From there, we ventured out to the water’s end and found them a spot to share their vows. Pro tip- I used my 70-200mm lens for some of these pictures. This compressed the mountains and made it look that much bigger! These were PERFECT photos for wall art!

Adventure Vow Renewal in Glacier National Park

Vow Renewal Ideas

The Knot shares, “While it’s freeing that there aren’t set rules with vow renewals, it can also be tricky to know what’s best since tradition isn’t dictating the proceedings. If you’re having a hard time settling on the perfect way to renew your vows, let these creative vow renewal ideas inspire you:

• Go for a sunset sail on a dinner cruise.
• Visit a winery and serve wine that’s from the year you were married.
• Plan a destination vow renewal that doubles as a family vacation.

We love these ideas to get you started, but we really encourage our couples to dream as big as possible. Instead of a dinner cruise, what about a one-on-one boating adventure all day where you stop to snorkel and then pop champagne after you renew your vows?

What about instead of just visiting a winery, rent a hot air balloon above a winery and renew your vows 13 miles in the sky?

Instead of a family vacation, what about a second honeymoon in Africa? 

We’re treating your vow renewal as a big deal, because it is! Marriage is the most important decision you can make; it’s hard work, and choosing each other again deserves a celebration of equal importance.

Incorporate Something from your Original Wedding

A vow renewal isn’t something new. It’s about honoring what you already have. For that reason, it’s great to incorporate a component from your wedding.  “Vow renewals are often about reminiscing about the past and reliving happy memories of the couple’s life together so far,” Goss says. So including a nod to your wedding is one of her favorite vow renewal ideas. Perhaps you kept something traditional, like your cake topper, your veil, or your written vows—using these in your renewal ceremony will add a lovely sentimental touch.

Vow Renewal Etiquette: 11 Essential Tips from Etiquette Experts 

Vows & Rings

There are so many ways to write your vows for your renewal. When you get married, you’re envisioning what it will be like, but you don’t actually know. When you’re having a vow renewal, you know exactly what you’re getting with your partner, and you’re saying that you still choose this life- again and again. It’s less “in sickness and in health,” and more fun “I promise to always pick up your favorite flowers just because and pack an extra pair of socks in your luggage.” Specificity is encouraged! Tell your partner exactly what you love about them and your relationship and what you want to continue building in your next chapter.

For rings, you do not need to exchange rings again, but you can! A vow renewal is an opportunity to upgrade your rings for each other. You may be in a different financial situation than you were when you first married, and this is a nice gift, but also not necessary. Completely up to you as a couple. If you are not gifting a new ring, there will not be a holding hands to put the old ring back on. You’ll keep it on your left finger as a reminder of that first promise you made together that you’re still honoring all the time later.

Vow Renewal Etiquette is saying Yes to Invites, No to Gifts

For guests, be sure to send an invitation! You can be as formal with this as you’d like. Assuming your vow renewal has far fewer guests than your wedding, you can lean in and do something more crafty, as you’ll have a fraction of the invitations to make. You can skip the save-the-dates for this. As it’ll be your closest people, there’s no need to let a fringe relative know a year in advance about it. Give a few months’ notice and your people will be there for you.

Wedding gifts tend to help the couple get started on their life together. At this point, you and your spouse already have a favorite pan and garden set. The gift is truly your guests showing up to celebrate and support you, so the best etiquette is NOT to have a registry. Focus on celebrating love by having them around you.

Hire a Photographer

This is one of the most important things you can do for your vow renewal. This experience is so meaningful, and you’re going to want to look back on the day you choose each other again. Whether you make a vow renewal photo album or select a few large pieces to hang on your wall, this is a day you’ll remember just like your wedding. In fact, I had a couple share that they even remember the vow renewal more than the wedding because they didn’t have the same jitters, and we move slower and more intentionally at a vow renewal. We aren’t hurrying to get family photos together before the appetizers are out. We take our time and have fun every step of the way.

Everything You Need to Know About Vow Renewals – *Ultimate guide

Contact Honeybee Weddings

Big or small, we will help you plan your vow renewal to reflect your personal journey as a couple. Saying yes is special; saying I know everything about you and I’m STILL saying yes? That is a true love story. Fill out the form below to get started.